I just turned 41 last month. I have 5 kids, 2 dogs and a few other smaller critters in cages in the kids’ bedrooms that we say we ‘own'. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and have lots and lots of friends. My husband is the Executive Director at the local homeless shelter. I get to work at home AND homeschool my kids. Life is GOOD and I have A LOT to be thankful for.

It is Thanksgiving morning and the aromas of pumpkin and turkey fill the air. Mmmmm!!! Preparations for this afternoon’s feast have begun. The turkey has been dressed and looks good enough to eat already. Breads are being prepared, pies are baking and the table is looking quite festive. A last minute phone call to hubby reveals that mom forgot dinner rolls…’Please grab some at the store on your way home?’ The good towels hang ‘just so’ in the bathroom and all the glass shines. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is on the tv in the living room and Christmas music is wafting from one of the bedrooms. Right now, it’s just me and a couple of the kids. Dad and the girls went to the homeless shelter to help prepare the Great Thanksgiving Day Feast for those that don’t have as many blessings as we do to count.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? It’s a beautiful, crisp, sunny day; traveling weather. When does the extended family arrive? When do we eat? What time does the game start? Where is the kids’ table?

Yes, it sounds wonderful. Yes, it’s perfect traveling weather. No, the family is not coming. They will not be pouring through the front door this year. They all live 1300 miles northeast, in New York. Some live in Wisconsin, Kansas, Missouri. They’re not coming. They’ll enjoy their own little gatherings without us. A phone call, an email ... all will have made brief contact and holiday greetings abound.

It is still the most wonderful time of the year!

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Holidays are still special, even though we are so far from family and friends. Why? Family MAKES the holiday, right? Feasts shared at Grandma’s table? Gatherings full of ‘catching up’ and slowing down? Times of memory-making? WRONG!

Holidays are traditions, family traditions. We are still a family and I have to say, I think we’ve done quite well creating our own traditions; our own special memories to draw from in our later years. And the best part? We started them!

Something New

For instance, every special occasion, every birthday, every holiday starts off with breakfast in bed at our house. The ‘honoree’ has come to expect it, if they are part of this small nucleus. Sometimes a son or daughter will announce what manner of breakfast they would like to receive before they head off to bed the night before. That’s a tradition in our family.

On Christmas morning, mom gets out the video camera and coffee is made BEFORE the kids trounce out of their rooms to ‘rush’ the Christmas tree. One MUST be prepared! Coffee and camera in hand, Christmas day begins. This is our tradition.

On Easter Sunday, all the kids are anxious to get to their baskets. Each filled with personalized gifts; maybe a new dress for church, new shoes, lots of candy and their very own…toothbrush. Yep! You read that right. We’ll wait while you go back and read it again. Their very own toothbrush. I know, it’s a bit quirky, but it’s our tradition. No matter how old, 3…7…13…21, all the kids EXPECT to receive a new toothbrush on Easter morning. They get them other times of the year too, but on this day, it is a tradition being fulfilled.

Something Old

My husband and I have chosen to bring some things from our childhood into practice with our family. There are certain things, cherished so much from long ago days that we are holding fast to, never to be given up. In fact, we’re hoping that our children will carry them into their own family traditions.

Sledding. We used to live in Upstate New York where snow was plentiful, overly abundant in the Winter. (video on page one of this article) My husband went with his parents and sister every chance they got to the reservoir. Climbing the steep hill and hurtling to the bottom as many times as they could squeeze in before dark on a Sunday after church to be greeted at the bottom with hot cocoa. That was their tradition.

Even though we now live in the Mid-West, where it doesn’t snow in 9-foot increments and there are few hills to speak of…we still take our kids sledding. Hot cocoa is always present on these outings!

My family’s contribution to our current traditions? The big feasts! My mom always cooked a huge meal on Thanksgiving and Christmas days, sometimes even on Easter. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, black olives…the works! Everyone was expected to show up with their families and the whole afternoon was spent cooking…and eating. We would all catch-up on each other’s family happenings.

Now that we are so far away, I have chosen to prepare a meal for every holiday. Early in our marriage, my husband would say, ‘Let’s eat out today. You shouldn’t have to cook.’ Or my mother-in-law would offer to take us out for a special meal. They soon learned that my greatest satisfaction comes from the very act of preparing the meal. It always gets eaten. Sometimes it takes us a week or two to finish it off, but I’ve cooked a feast and am totally grateful to my mom for instilling this tradition. I feel fulfilled (and full) after a holiday meal.

The Good Stuff

We miss the ‘family gatherings’ at holiday time; but we’re okay with this new arrangement. The traditions are the glue that keeps it all intact. We’ve been forced to get creative with gift giving and communication, but we’ve chosen to keep family traditions alive (and create new ones).

A gift card for Walmart has replaced the electric blanket and new sweater (to save on shipping) for a Christmas gift. But it is still TOTALLY appreciated! In fact, we’ve created a new tradition. After Christmas, we take all the kids to Walmart to shop for their own ‘gifts from Grandma’. When asked by friends what their grandparents got them for Christmas, they always respond with the name of the item they bought instead of ‘Oh, a gift card’. They look forward to those cards at Christmastime just as much, maybe even more than ripping off the wrapping paper.

The lines of communication are wider now that we live so far apart. Computers and the internet are wonderful ways to stay in touch…for families that aren’t so good at writing letters or making phone calls. It’s so easy to send an eCard, email, pictures to Grandma and Aunt Theresa. I don’t have to fight to hear on the phone (over the noisy kids, dishwasher and barking dogs). I don’t have to worry about the time difference between here and there. Friends and family are apt to see times like 3:00am on emails that I send because that is my most productive work time. Try explaining a phone call at that hour!

Maybe this method seems impersonal to you. It works for us. Staying flexible and open-minded are the keys to successful tradition making. My son just received a hand-written letter from his cousin in New York. My in-laws have chosen their own methods of communication. My son was thrilled to receive a letter from Johnny! We do what works.

When Thanksgiving is over, more traditions ensue. From hot (and cold) turkey sandwiches to putting up the Christmas decorations on ‘Black Friday’, we are content. Although we try not to become entangled in the whole ‘Black Friday’ shopping frenzy, sometimes deep-discount price slashings force us to readjust. Remember…it’s all about being flexible.

I called my mom yesterday. I asked if she could ‘stop by’ for Thanksgiving dinner. She jokingly responded with, ‘Sure! You’re coming for Christmas dinner, right?’